


It Was Always You

by ailaikannu



Series: It Was Always You [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Clexa, Clexa Endgame, College Football, F/F, Football, Linctavia - Freeform, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-06-02 19:09:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 17,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6578878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ailaikannu/pseuds/ailaikannu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on this Tumblr post : Soulmate au where when you write something on your skin with pen/marker/whatever the hell you want, it will show up on your soul mates skin as well. Imagine having a super artistic soulmate who draws flowers and designs and really beautiful patterns all over their arms and person 2 just sits there and watches the little lines appear on their arms and they can’t stop smiling and it’s their favourite part of the day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Forest Fires

**Author's Note:**

> I saw this post on Tumblr and really felt like writing this Fanfiction. Let me know what you think of it and if I should keep going with it !

**CHAPTER 1-Forest fires**

She enjoyed drawing on her forearm way too much. Being an artist, Clarke sometimes found herself feeling the need to draw even when she didn’t have any kind of paper with her. She always had a marker in her purse, though. Wherever she went, she’d take it with her. She knew about the soulmate thing and found it kind of weird. Sometimes even creepy. But it didn’t bother her at all, because her soulmate apparently didn’t enjoy drawing. She had never seen anything on her skin but her own drawings. Sometimes she desperately wanted to see something appear on her skin. Anything, really. A sign. Even a small marking on her fingers got by mistake by her person while writing. It drove her crazy.

“Maybe my soulmate already dislikes me because I spend too much time drawing. They probably already know how obsessed I am with art and they hate it. That’s why they never draw anything back.” She said, her voice low. She was drawing a lily on her right forearm, not paying too much attention to it. It was mostly out of habit.

“Maybe they’re not born yet. Maybe your soulmate is going to be twenty years younger than you.” Rave started laughing as Clarke shot her a death glare.

Both Raven and Octavia got their drawings. Raven’s soulmate wrote chemistry stuff, which Raven weirdly enjoyed, while Octavia’s wrote mainly lists. Raven didn’t feel ready to meet her soulmate yet, she enjoyed her life of partying and getting wasted, while Octavia kind of felt the need to meet hers. She was waiting for her person to write down a place name, so that she could go find them. She had thought about simply writing something like “I want to meet you” on her hand, but she wanted everything to happen when it was time. 

Clarke felt a bit left out. Or possibly even jealous. Octavia and Raven knew something about their soulmates, Raven's was a big chemistry nerd, while Octavia's was a bit forgetful. At least, they had something to clinge on.

She was the only one basically drawing to herself. It felt weird, and wrong. Why wasn’t her soulmate answering ? Or at least showing that they existed ?

“Maybe I’m destined to be alone, guys.” She whispered.

Her friends looked at her, with that usual look. “Maybe they don’t enjoy drawing and that’s it.” Octavia said, avoiding Clarke’s gaze.

Clarke sighed, knowing there was no way for her to actually know what was going on. Usually, the drawings started appearing around a person’s sixteenth birthday. Clarke had already starting drawing on her arms way before her sixteenth birthday, mainly because drawing was her thing and her arms were always the “closest thing I can draw on, dad !” She was, anyhow, getting tired of staring at her blank arms. She was going to turn twenty in a couple of weeks, which meant approximatively four years with no signs from her soulmate.

“Alright, let’s go to class. I don’t want to be late because of you, _again_.” She said, getting up.

Both Octavia and Raven groaned, getting up from the couch. “Alright, mom. Shame on me for thinking that choosing a major different from the one you chose would make me live a calm and carefree life. Shame on me.” Raven sighed.

“Oh, come on. If it wasn’t for me, you’d still be wandering around the hallway, looking for your dorm room. Even when you perfectly knew that you didn’t have one.” Clarke laughed and grabbed her laptop before leaving the room. “Come on, we’re going to be late.”

Raven rolled her eyes, but followed her silently, while Octavia looked for her books. “No worries, I can be late. Luckily for me, my class is far away from Clarke’s ! Have fun, I’ll see you later.”

Clarke hated being late. She wanted to sit in a specific place, not too near the professor, but not too far back. She also wanted to sit next to the window, it made her feel like she was taking classes outside.

Luckily for her, her usual place was waiting for her. She walked towards it and placed her bag next to her chair and then proceeded to turn on her laptop. She enjoyed taking notes on her laptop, because most of her professors talked way faster than necessary, it was hard to keep up with their pace. The molecular biology lecture was boring, as per usual. She checked her phone, to find a notification on her groupchat with Octavia and Raven.

**TheGreatMechanic 10a.m :**

Yo Griffin, guess what I just saw

**ClarkeFromTheSky**

I’m in class, Raven.

**TheGreatMechanic 10:18 a.m :**

I know that u hate molecular biology, ur always complaining about the shitload of stuff you have to study for that class

A N Y W A Y S

I might have found u a boyfriend.

**OctaviaTheWarrior 10.19 a.m :**

Big nerd is going to kill egocentric mechanic, someone send help.

**TheGreatMechanic 10.22 a.m**

O, why isn’t she replying ? And no one can hear u, it's just us in the groupchat u moron

**OctaviaTheWarrior 10.25 a.m :**

You’re so dead. If Clarke doesn't kill you, I will.

**TheGreatMechanic 10.33 a.m :**

I find her a boyfriend and she kills me ? That’s not fair

Why do I always end up getting killed ? Let me check his arms for one of Clarke's masterpieces.

 

 

Clarke stared at her phone amused, making a mental note :

Kill Raven Reyes once you get home.

She was always telling her that she should date more, but Clarke was kind of obsessed with the whole soulmate thing. Maybe they were right and her soulmate hadn’t been born yet. Which meant she’d have to wait at least eighteen years before getting to know them. Raven didn't really care about her marks. She was amused by the interest for chemistry, but she was aware that once she'd find that person, her dating life would be over. She enjoyed having fun with different people too much to let her life go, which was the main reason why whe wasn't looking for her person. 

When her class was over, she walked to the park. She enjoyed spending her free time sitting under a tree, possibly reading a book or listening to some music. The apartment she shared with Octavia and Raven could be quite loud and she enjoyed her alone time. She loved her friends with her whole heart, but she loved the tranquility of the park as opposed to their never ending need for chaos and loud music. She sat down right in front of her usual tree and closed her eyes, while music flowed from her ears to her brain. She imagined she was in a forest, surrounded by trees and the smell of pine she loved so much. She felt happy, until something collided with her foot and she suddenly felt a freezing liquid splashing all over her. She was ready to kill anyone who’d probably ruined her clothes and her calm moment, but when she opened her eyes, something changed.

She was in the forest.

She could almost smell the pines.

Or at least, the forest green eyes of the person standing just above her made her feel like she was in the actual forest.

 

_I painted you a picture,  picture full of light. It includes a heavy memory, memory so bright_  
_I can't change your thoughts, my dear. I can't change your fears. But if you want I'll traver near to make it disappear._  
_I’ll be there in the summer ‘cause your heart isn’t safe, you won’t go, you are not a runner, so you won’t run away. If you could follow your heart gently there wouldn’t be this mess. Maybe someday, just someday you’ll find a way back._  
_Your dreams are incredibly loud tonight, you’re creating forest fires. You can’t even change your sight, it's stuck in you like a virus._  
  
  


 


	2. Kiss The Sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to wait till Sunday to post this... But I just can't wait anymore, so... Here you go ! Thank you all for the nice comments and the kudos, they made my day !

She smiled as a beautiful, flawless lily appeared on her right forearm.

Lexa had a weird passion for flowers, she enjoyed their colour, their perfume, she loved everything about them. They were the only source of colour she allowed in her elegant black and white apartment, together with the insane amount of candles she owned. She was sitting on her black leather couch while she watched the black marks appear on her skin and she couldn’t help but think about the person drawing them. Lexa supposed it was a woman, the delicate drawings she was so used to now were one more reason to believe it was a woman. The perfection in every drawing made her think about someone who enjoyed calmness and serious conversations. She enjoyed thinking about this person, imagining who she might be. Imagining what she might look like. Imagining what she smelled like, what colour her eyes were. A knock on the door startled her from her dreaming sate and she got up to see who it was, even if she already knew who to expect.

“Who is it ?” She asked, approaching the door.

“You’d never guess” She heard the familiar voice saying. She unlocked the door and was greeted by her older sister.

“Anya, hey. What are you doing here ? I thought we were meeting for lunch.”

Her sister walked inside Lexa’s apartment and closed the door behind her back, following Lexa to the couch. “I know, I just wanted to talk to you about something and I couldn’t wait till lunch time.”

Lexa frowned at her, a little worried. “What did you want to talk about ?”

“Uncle Gustus asked me if you’re planning on coming to that family reunion I was talking to you about.” Anya looked sheepishly at her.

“Anya.” Lexa sighed.

“You know it would mean a lot to all of them. All of us.” Anya’s voice was steady and low.

“I won’t hear this again.” Lexa turned around, she couldn’t look at her sister.

“Yes, you will. You can’t avoid family meetings just because of what happened. It’s our family, Lexa.” Anya was begging, as she always was when it came to their family reunions. She was usually stern and a bit cold, but she did care about her family. It was the most important thing in her life.

“ _Just_ because of what happened ? Are you trying to belittle our parents’ death ?” Lexa was screaming now, unable to keep her feelings for herself.

“Of course I’m not. I’m just telling you that our family misses you. You were fifteen when they last saw you, it’s been seven years.”  Anya tried to remain calm. She perfectly knew how their parents’ death had affected Lexa. It had affected her as well, but Lexa was basically a child when it happened. Anya didn’t have the luxury to grieve. She was twenty when they passed away, she was in college, she was living her own life, just realizing what being an adult meant. Then her parents died, and she had to take care of her little sister.

She had to.

“I know. But I can’t.” Lexa was now facing her sister, with tears in her eyes. “Maybe next year.”

Anya was the only person she could bare to see since the death of their parents. Possibly because her sister looked a lot like their mother, or most likely because she loved her with all she had. It was quite hard for her to talk about their death, or just about them in general. She knew her relatives would want to talk about them, not necessarily about their death… But even talking about happy memories with them made her want to run away.

“I have class now, I’ll talk to you later.”

She left, leaving her sister behind. She was late, as per usual, but it didn’t really matter. Her international law professor didn’t mind, since she was easily the best student in his class. She was majoring in Legal Studies, she then wanted to go to law school and she enjoyed everything there was to learn. She grabbed her iced tea on her way to class and got there surprisingly only about five minutes late. She was going to have football practice on the afternoon and she was quite excited because she was finally going back after a couple of weeks of mandatory rest after a minor injury during their last match.

**OctaviaTheWarrior 10:15 a.m**

Woods ! You coming back today ?

**TheForestCommander 10.37 a.m**

Yep, finally something good, right ?

**OctaviaTheWarrior 10.39 a.m**

Did you miss me ?

**TheForestCommander 10.44 a.m**

Definitely missed football. Not so sure about you. Did you miss me ?

**OctaviaTheWarrior 10.50 a.m**

Lmao no.

 I’ll see you later, dork. (Try being there on time)

**TheForestCommander 11 a.m**

You know I can’t promise you that. I’ll see you later, O.

 

Octavia was basically the only friend Lexa had made in college. She was living alone, which meant not having roommates and she didn’t really do any extracurricular activities, except for football. Octavia was great and she wasn’t annoying like the majority of the girls at Polis College, Lexa enjoyed her friendship. Octavia was a bit younger than Lexa, but it didn’t really matter, she was great anyhow.

Lexa smiled at her phone, before going back to her notes. She was scribbling whatever the professor was saying, when another of her usual drawings started to appear on her arm. It was a sunflower, this time. It looked a bit different from the usual intricate and flawless designs she was used to seeing. This one looked like the person drawing it was a bit distracted, possibly just feeling the need to doodle something on their arm. Her person did it sometimes, Lexa kind of felt like it represented sadness. Once again, Lexa was tempted to draw something herself, but she stopped. She didn’t really know why, but she didn’t feel ready to contact her. Not yet.

When the lesson was over, she quickly got up and ran outside, to get back to her apartment. She was running through the park, minding her own business, when her foot collided with something and her tea went flying all over the place. She slowly looked down, hoping to see that her foot was stuck in a tree branch or something, but instead she found herself staring into a girl’s eyes.

No, she was wrong.

She was staring at the sky.

 

_Am I in love or trippin', now I feel my body driftin'. Baby girl she got me lifted._  
Am I addicted?  
She’s so fly, excuse her while she kiss the sky, excuse her while she kiss the sky.  
She’s so high, excuse her while she kiss the sky, excuse her while she kiss the sky.

 


	3. Everyone's got something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Queen of Clumsiness and Sky Girl finally talk to each other.

None of them talked for a minute, they both stood there in silence, staring at each other. Lexa was still holding her now empty cup, while Clarke was frozen on her knees.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry !” The brunette screamed when she realized what had just happened.

Clarke still had her eyes on her. “It’s… It’s okay, no worries.”

“No, please. It’s not okay. Let me… I don’t even know what to do.” Lexa was mortified, as she watched the blonde, who was now covered in iced tea, getting up. Clarke smiled at her and that smile made Lexa’s body shiver.

“I’m Clarke.” The blonde said, offering her hand.

Lexa looked at it and she felt her heart stop for a second. It was pretty warm outside and Clarke was wearing a short sleeve white t-shirt, which showed her arms. Lexa squinted her eyes, unable to believe what she was staring at.

Her attention was focused on Clarke’s right forearm, where a hand drawn sunflower sat.

She swallowed the lump in her throat. “Lexa.” She whispered. “But you can call me the Queen of Clumsiness.”

“Alright, Queen of Clumsiness will do. Were you running because you’re late for class ?” Clarke asked.

“Strangely enough, no. I was going back to my place… I don’t even know why I was running. I am so sorry.” Lexa blushed and Clarke couldn’t help but notice how cute the girl in front of her looked. By the way she was dressed, she figured Lexa was a bit of a perfectionist and it made her giggle. She was wearing black skinny jeans with a grey and black button up and black Nikes. Even in the warm weather, Clarke noticed, Lexa had the buttons on her shirt’s cuffs buttoned. Everything she was wearing looked perfectly ironed and studied in order to achieve a perfect colour combination. It was weird, considering the girl had just sent her tea flying all over Clarke.

“It’s okay, no need to apologize.” Clarke laughed.

Lexa studied Clarke’s features. The blonde was gorgeous, with those sky blue eyes and perfect hair. She was wearing a plain white t-shirt and ripped light blue jeans, with a pair of white Converse. Her hair was up in a messy bun, with a blond lock falling on her eyes. Her smile was the eighth wonder of the world to Lexa. Everything about her was magical.

“Do you come here often ? I’m asking just so I can avoid running the next time I have my iced tea with me.”

“I do, actually. I live in a flat with two other girls and it can get loud, sometimes. I enjoy spending time here, it’s quiet. Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine the forest. Or I spend hours just staring at the sky. I love it.” Clarke explained, smiling. Lexa was fascinated by the girl standing in front of her. She wasn’t only the most gorgeous thing she’d ever seen, she was also quite charming and sounded like an incredibly intelligent and interesting woman. Different from the others.

“I see… I live on my own, so I don’t really need to go out to be quiet… But I understand the need to get outside.” Lexa said, starting to gain more confidence. The initial collision with Clarke had left her a bit awestruck, she was usually way smoother than this. “Listen, I have an idea. I feel terribly guilty for splashing my tea all over you, so… Let me buy you a coffee. Or whatever else you might want to drink.”

Clarke looked at her in silence for a minute, then nodded. “Yeah, that’d be great.”

They walked to the closest café and then sat on a table outside.

 “So, what are you majoring it ?” Lexa sked.

“Biology… I’m planning on going to Med School once I’m done here… It’s only my second year, but I can’t wait to graduate. Med school has been a dream of mine for a long time. What about you ?” When she was a child, Clarke enjoyed listening to her mother talking about cases she had at work and was always imagining herself wearing those scrubs and saving lives.

“I’m majoring in Legal studies, I’m actually going to graduate this year. Then off to Law School !” Lexa explained, possibly a bit too excited, before taking a sip of her coffee.

“Hope you won’t be as clumsy as you are now once you become a lawyer.” Clarke joked and Lexa blushed. “I’m kidding, I’m sure you’ll be a great lawyer.”

“I’m usually not this clumsy… I guess. Anyways… Tell me, Sky girl, what do you enjoy doing in your free time ?” Lexa asked, “Apart from making fun of strangers.”

“I like drawing, as you might have noticed.” She said, exposing her marked forearm. “I also enjoy watching movies. What about you ? When you’re not busy sending your iced tea flying all over people you’ve never seen before.”

“I did… I did notice.” Lexa said, almost in a whisper. “I guess I enjoy reading quite a bit. I usually enjoy splashing sodas on people I’ve never seen before, and I also play football.”

“My roommate plays football as well, she’s kind of obsessed with sports, to be honest.”

“Then you have a great roommate ! Sports are great ! Even if you play football and keep getting hurt like I do.” She laughed and Clarke felt her heart race in her chest. That sound was like the laughter of angels. The blonde looked at Lexa’s eyes once more, she’d never seen anything as beautiful as the girl sitting in front of her.

“See ? I never get hurt, because I don’t play sports and I can’t get hurt while drawing… “ Clarke was smiling, proudly showing off her sunflower.

“I know, but sports help you deal with stress and anger, or whatever else you might feel !” Lexa explained.

“Art helps you deal with your emotions as well, in a different way, I guess.”

“Everyone has different ways of dealing with emotions, right ?”

“Yeah… I mean, one of my roommates deals with her feelings by getting wasted and partying till six in the morning…” Clarke laughed, but Lexa looked a bit off. 

“That can be effective when neither art nor sports can help you, sometimes feelings are just too much.” Lexa stated, her voice low. She was staring at the table beneath her, unable to look at Clarke.

“Yeah, I know what you’re talking about.” Clarke commented.

Lexa looked up and felt like drowning in those beautiful eyes. For once, she felt understood. She felt like Clarke got her like nobody had before her. She didn’t even feel the need to talk about her feelings, or her sad moments, because Clarke got her anyhow. She was there, she had somehow managed to destroy the wall that Lexa had so carefully built up.

That girl was magical.

“I think I should probably go now, I really need a change of clothes !” Clarke laughed once again, making every inch of Lexa’s body shiver. That sound was like magic.

“Yes, I guess you should. Again, I’m really sorry.” Lexa said, while getting up.

Clarke looked at her and studied her face once again. “No worries. I’ll see you around, then. It was nice meeting you, Lexa.”

“It was nice meeting you too, Clarke. Too bad it was because I sent my iced tea flying all over you.” Lexa blushed again and watched Clarke walk away.

She stood there for a few minutes, unable to move. It felt like time had stopped and she didn’t need to rush anymore. She had found her soulmate and she was pretty sure that Clarke’s kindness made her fear of meeting her go away. She had thought a lot about the moment she’d meet her, but she imagined it was going to be a bit more… Successful. Or at least not as embarrassing as it had been.

When she got back to her apartment, she found Anya waiting for her.

“What happened to you ? You look shaken, to say the least.” Anya asked, a bit worried.

Lexa stood in front of her, speechless. Thinking about what had just happened was one thing, but saying it out loud was different. It made it real.

“I found her, Anya. I found my soulmate.”

 

_Everyone's got something, something no one else can do, something no one else can see._  
And I want you, I want you to know, all I have is you, all I need is you, all I want is you.  
Everyone's got something, darling, I'll let you guide me, tell me that you want me.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is getting so much love ! I'm overwhelmed !  
> Anyways... I was thinking about adding a bit of Linctavia in this story and I'm not sure if I want to do it here orif it'd be better to tell their story on a different fanfiction. If you guys have any ideas, please let me know !  
> Comments and Kudos are always welcome ! I also wanted you guys to know that I'll be updating this story twice a week.


	4. Keeping your head up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone else finds out about Clarke being Lexa's soulmate.

“How can you be that wet when the sun’s shining outside ?” Raven asked, from her bedroom’s door.

“A girl tripped on my foot while running and her tea splashed all over me.” She explained. “Usual Griffin luck.”

She heard the apartment getting filled with Raven’s joyful laughter, while an annoyed Octavia screamed from her bedroom. “Guys, I really do need to study. You know I have practice this afternoon, which means I only get to study now ! Shut the fuck up !”

Raven looked at Clarke and chuckled softly. Clarke went back to looking for clothes and settled on a pair of navy blue sweatpants and a white t-shirt. She desperately felt the need to paint and figured she’d better wear something that could easily be thrown away once she was done.

“Wanna hang with me, Jasper and Monty tonight ? I guess I’m gonna ask Octavia as well, but I feel like I should leave her alone for a while before talking to her.” Raven said, still giggling.

“I guess you should leave her alone till she comes to talk to you.” Clarke commented. “But yeah, sure… What are the plans ?”

“I don’t know yet, you’re the first one I’m asking to.” Raven said, grabbing her phone.

**TheGreatMechanic 1.15 p.m**

GUYS, I’m using the groupchat so I don’t have to text everyone I know.

**JasperTheOnly 1.23 p.m**

Reyes, you forgot to tell us why you’re texting us

Dumbass

**TheGreatMechanic 1.25 p.m**

Right

Drinks 2nite ?

Lady Griffin is coming

So is O

**Monty 1.26 p.m**

Why am I the only one with a normal screen name ? Anyways, I’m down

**JasperTheOnly 1.29 p.m**

Same here, I’m always down for drinks with Raven TequilaShots Reyes

**ClarkeFromTheSky 1.29 p.m**

Why am I Lady Griffin ?

Shots at Polaris ! Hoping the magic wooing duo won’t get us kicked out again

**OctaviaTheWarrior 1.45 p.m**

OCTAVIA IS NOT COMING

OCTAVIA NEEDS TO STUDY

“Whatever !” Clarke heard Raven yelling.

She got dressed and proceeded to sit on her bed.

As the night approached, Clarke thought again about Lexa. Their encounter had been magical and she knew that Lexa felt the same way. She figured a woman like her would have found her soulmate already, which meant there was nothing to hope for. Still, Clarke couldn’t stop thinking about her. She got ready for their night out and was pleased when Raven told her that Octavia was going to go to Polaris as well, right after practice. Raven could be a handful whenever they were out, always drinking way too much and making a fool of herself most of the time. Having Octavia there as well meant having a bit of help, since neither Jasper nor Monty helped her when Raven went on party mode. Monty found it terribly funny and Jasper was like her, if not even worse.

She walked to the living room, to find Raven waiting for her.

“Why am I waiting for you ?” Raven asked, playfully annoyed.

“Because we’re early, but you are a sucker for party nights. Let’s go.”

 

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

Practice had been fun. She had missed football, it was great being back. Every muscle in her body felt sore and she was already covered in bruises, but it didn’t matter. Football was her thing and nothing would ever compare to those moments on the field.

“You did great, Commander.” Octavia smirked. “As per usual.”

“Thanks, mighty Warrior. I desperately need a shower now, though.” Lexa said, taking her shoes off. Even when training for football, she was used to wearing long sleeved t-shirts, since Clarke apparently only drew on her arms, or her stomach. It was a habit of hers, she couldn’t risk anyone seeing the drawings on her skin. She was embarrassed because she wasn’t ready to meet her soulmate and she didn’t want to have to explain why to people who asked. That was why she opted for long sleeves, always telling people that her soulmate had never drawn anything. Which was a huge lie, considering Clarke’s masterpieces she adored so much. She didn’t quite understand why people were so interested in soulmates and romance. She did understand being obsessed with their own… But why was it so important to ask about other people’s love life ? The only person who fully knew her story was her sister, Anya. Because she was there when everything happened.

She slowly took her socks and shorts off, when she heard Octavia gasp behind her back. She quickly turned around, worried by the inhuman sound that had previously escaped Octavia’s mouth.

“What ?” She asked

“That… That drawing.” Octavia said, pointing her index to Lexa’s left foot. “I… You…”

Lexa panicked. What was she going to say ? She was scared Octavia might be pissed because she didn’t tell her about her drawings.

“I like keeping them for myself.” She whispered.

“No, no, no. You don’t understand. I know the person whose hand draws that stuff. I would recognize her drawings among thousands.”

Lexa looked at her for a second. Panic was the only emotion that she was feeling. Then it hit her. Clarke had told her about her roommate playing football, of course it had to be Lexa’s only friend. Was she going to tell Octavia that she knew her as well ? Or was she going to keep it a secret and play it cool ?

She wanted to keep it a secret, not wanting Clarke to know. Maybe she could talk to Octavia and explain to her the whole thing. She was smart, she would understand. They were friends, she could talk to her about Costia.

Or couldn’t she ?

“You’re coming with me tonight.”

 

_Times that I've seen you lose your way, you're not in control and you won't be told. All I can do to keep you safe is hold you close, hold you close til you can breathe on your own, til you can breathe on your own._  
 _Hold tight; you're slowly coming back to life, I'll be keeping your head up, I'll be keeping your head up, darling. Let go of all your haunted dreams tonight, I'll be keeping your head up._  
 _Everyone keeps a darker place, to lose control, you're not alone. And when you come looking for embrace, I know your soul; I'll be your home, til you can breathe on your own_  
 _You never think that you can fly, you'll always swim against the tide. Don't you know your pain is mine ? And I would die a thousand times to ease your mind._  



	5. Hey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa meet again.

“Do you think Octavia will be here soon ?” Clarke asked Monty, who was sitting next to her. Raven and Jasper were together, being each other’s wingman, it was hilariously disgusting.

“I hope so.” He said, taking a sip of his beer.

They talked for a while, till they saw Octavia walking in, with a girl next to her. It took Clarke a full minute to realize that the girl standing next to her roommate was Lexa, the girl from that morning. What were the odds ?

“Guys, this is Lexa, she plays football with me.” Octavia said, cheerfully. “Lexa, these are my roommate Clarke and a friend of ours, Monty.” The way Octavia marked Clarke’s name made Lexa wince.

“Oh, I already know her.” Clarke said, much to Octavia’s disbelief. “Remember when I was talking about the girl who sent her iced tea flying all over me ?” Clarke laughed softly and Lexa blushed, hiding her face in her hands.

Octavia eyed both of them suspiciously. “Lexa, let’s go get us something to drink.” She said, grabbing her by her arm and dragging her towards the bar.

Once they were far enough from Clarke and Monty, Octavia finally spoke. “Does she know ? Do _you_ know ?”

“I found out this morning.” Lexa stated. “She doesn’t know and I don’t want her to know, not yet.”

“Alright, take your time.” Octavia said, before ordering two tequilas. “Just keep in mind that Clarke is slightly obsessed with the whole soulmate thing. She is always complaining about how her person… Well, you, never draw. She thinks she’s destined to be alone.”

“She’s not destined to be alone… I was never really into this soulmate thing. Her drawings started appearing on my skin when I was about fifteen, which is earlier than usual. I’m used to them, they’re part of who I am, as weird as it might sound. At the beginning, I was just embarrassed. I saw these incredible drawings on my arms and stomach and couldn’t help but think that I wasn’t worthy of the person creating them. She was very young when she started and I kind of witnessed the progress she made, you know ? Her drawings made me feel great, as if I had been chosen by somebody special. I was scared my markings or whatever else I might draw on my skin weren’t going to be enough. I wanted my person to feel the same way they made me feel. But I never could. I wasn’t worthy, you know ? Then I met someone, but I knew she wasn’t the one. She wasn’t sixteen yet, and was sure her drawings were going to appear on my skin once she turned the proper age. Of course, she didn’t know about Clarke’s drawings, nobody did. I didn’t have the heart to tell her. When she turned sixteen, she came to me and drew a small heart on her hand. Nothing appeared on mine, of course. She took it pretty badly… The rest doesn’t matter. What I’m trying to tell you is that I’m not ready. And I’m not sure I’ll ever be.”

 “Then I’m guessing you’re going to need this.” Octavia said, offering her a tequila.

Lexa smiled at her, Octavia _was_ smart. She had accepted her answer, no questions asked. They both downed their tequilas before going back to Clarke and Monty, who were still looking at Raven and Jasper.

“So, as you might already know, Octavia is my roommate and the other one I told you about is Raven, the girl you see dancing on that table down there.” Clarke explained to Lexa, pointing her thumb at Raven. “She enjoys drinking. The boy next to her is Jasper, Monty’s roommate.”

“She does look like she enjoys having fun !” Lexa laughed. “I know it’s kinda lame since we’re out for drinks, but… I already know that you’re majoring in Biology, I think Octavia mentioned studying Business, what about you Monty ? And what about the two players down there ?”

“Computer science, for me.”  Monty laughed. “Raven is majoring in Mechanical Engineering, while Jasper is studying Chemistry. We’re all big nerds. Most of us, at least… Octavia is the only one who actually enjoys sports and stuff.”

“She enjoys hiking, guys. She’s weird.” Clarke whispered, and Octavia elbowed her in the ribs.

“I do too !” Lexa commented.

“You outdoorsy weirdos.” Monty said, under his breath. Clarke laughed out loud, while Octavia rolled her eyes.

“I have abs, guys. Like, real, actual abs !”

How was she going to compete with her friends ? Not that she needed to, but they were amazing. Smart, sassy, incredibly fun to be with. She was just boring, average, Lexa.

Clarke was used to greatness, she was just going to be disappointed in Lexa. She definitely wasn’t ready to tell Clarke that she wasn’t destined to be alone. She thought about how she’d imagined her to be and was stunned to realize that Clarke was even better than expected. She made her feel things in her stomach eve if they’d known each other for not even a day.

“Lexa does, too.” Octavia continued. Her comment made Lexa’s blood freeze in her veins. She blushed instantly elbowing her teammate right in the ribs. Octavia groaned and rolled her eyes, this rib hitting was getting out of control.

Lexa didn’t know what to say, and was saved last minute by a very drunk Raven who was stumbling to get back to their table. Once she got there, she eyed Lexa curiously.

“Who’s this?” She asked.

“This is Lexa, she plays football with me.” Octavia explained.

“Oh no, another sportsperson. Fuck my life.” She slurred, sitting right next to Lexa.

“What is it that you guys have against sports ?” Lexa asked, she had never met that many people who hated sports in her whole life.

“We’re lazy, that’s it.” Clarke commented. “We’re also terrible at anything physical.”

“I wouldn’t say that, Griffin. Sex is physical, I’m good at it. Not so sure about your skills, though.” Raven said and Lexa was positive it was the first time she saw Clarke actually blushing and being embarrassed.

“It doesn’t look like it, found anyone to bang for the night ?” The blonde asked.

Raven frowned. “Nope, found a girl for Jasper, though.”

“You’re hopeless.” Octavia and Clarke said at unison.

 

 

_I see the look on your face telling me your story, you don't have to be alone. I love to see you smiling, why you trying to hide it ? Don't you know you've got it all ?_   
_I know when you're gone you do your thing and you live like you want. I know when you're gone you're just looking for a little sign of love._   
_I said hey, would you come with me ? I said, hey, hey. Hey, would you stay with me ? I said hey, hey._


	6. Ink

As weeks passed, Lexa had gotten accustomed to spending most of her free time with Clarke, Octavia and Raven. As much as she enjoyed being alone, the time she spent with them, particularly with Clarke, made her realize that there was something missing in her life. Something she had never thought she'd need. Something she had always tried to avoid, to run away from.

And that something had blond hair and sky blue eyes.

“So, we are leaving.” She heard Octavia saying. “Apparently Raven needs to get stuff from the grocery store at midnight, and guess who has to go with her ?”

Lexa chuckled softly, while Clarke laughed out loud. “You, because I can’t move... It’s too late, I don’t have it in me.” The blonde said, rather dramatically.

“Sure, Griffin. Of course.” Octavia sighed and slammed the door behind her back. 

“I’ve been meaning to ask you something.” Clarke said, after a few minutes of silence.

“Sure, go ahead.” 

“What do you think of the whole soulmate thing ?”

Lexa felt her heart skip a bit, but smiled at Clarke. “I’ve actually had a pretty bad experience with it, this is why I never talk about it.”

Clarke tilted her head and looked at her curiously. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“No, it’s okay.” Lexa said. She knew she could tell Clarke the whole story. She owed her an explanation. Clarke still didn't know that they were soulmates... but she was suffering because of Lexa. “I was never really into the soulmate thing, and when I started getting my drawings it wasn’t really a big deal. I loved them, I still do, but it was weird to me to think that there was someone I was destined to be with. Then I met this girl, her name was Costia… When we got together she was still fifteen and she was sure I was her soulmate. She didn’t know about the drawings, I didn’t have the heart to tell her. We had been together for roughly a year when she turned sixteen. She came to see me, she was really excited… But I was scared. She drew a little heart on her hand and took mine to hold. Nothing appeared. She waited, and waited, not sure about how long it takes. When it hit her, I saw her expression changing. I could see rage flashing through her eyes. She said nothing, and left with tears in her eyes. She was distracted, I guess the tears had blurred her vision… She didn’t even see the car that hit her. She died before I even got the chance to call an ambulance.”

She looked over at Clarke, who had glossy eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“Oh… It’s okay.” Lexa commented. “It was years ago… I thought I’d never get over the pain, but I did. I’m used to having people I love dying anyways, so…” Her voice trailed off and Clarke was still staring at her.

“What do you mean ?” The blonde asked, before she could stop herself. She cursed under her breath for asking such a stupid question.

“My parents died when I was fifteen. My sister took care of me till I turned eighteen.”

Clarke instinctively placed her hand on Lexa’s, who was startled by the unfamiliar and yet comforting touch. “I lost my dad too, I was seventeen.”

"I'm sorry." Lexa said. "I know how you feel. I have been trying to avoid my family since my parents died.. The only relative I am able to see is my sister, Anya."

"I'm an only child, I don't really have many relatives.. I have my mother, but sometimes I wish I had somebody else, I don't know." Clarke sighed loudly. " But, wait... You said you got your drawings... Have you met your soulmate yet ?"

Lexa didn't know what to say. Saying no was a lie, but saying yes was going to make things even weirder. "No, I haven't... I am kind of scared. What happened with Costia destroyed me... I don't know when I'll be ready to be the person who's destined to be with me forever."

"I'm sure your person will understand." Clarke stated.

_Yes, I really hope she will._

"I feel like I'm destined to be alone... Octavia got her drawings, Raven got hers... And you did as well. I'm the only one who hasn't gotten any yet. Nothing, not even a mark made by mistake."

"I'm sure you'll get them. You are definitely not destined to be alone." Lexa said as a matter of fact.

"How can you tell ?"

Lexa opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted by Octavia and Raven slamming the door open. Clarke yanked her hand off Lexa’s, before her roommates could see her.

“We’re back bitches ! And we brought nachos !” Raven jumped on the second couch, while Octavia sighed and brought the grocery bags in the kitchen.

“We’re watching a movie now.”

Raven picked a scary movie, but they all fell asleep before it was over. When Lexa was startled awake by Raven’s loud snoring, she was pleased to see that Clarke’s hand was back on hers. She smiled and slowly got up, trying to be as quite as possible.

She gently shook Clarke to wake her up and the blonde looked at her confusedly.

“I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye.”

“Thank you for that, what time is it ?” Clarke mumbled.

“It’s almost three in the morning, I should get going.”

Clarke nodded and walked her to the door. “Thank you for tonight… You know, for sharing.”

“Thank you, Clarke. Goodnight !” She placed a soft kiss on the top of Clarke’s head that made the blonde blush.

“Text me when you get home.” Clarke whispered, before closing the door.

Lexa quietly walked to her car and then drove back home. She texted Clarke as soon as she locked the door behind her back.

**TheForestCommander 3.08 a.m**

Made it home safely !

**ClarkeFromTheSky 3.09 a.m**

I’m glad to hear that, I was waiting for your text ! I’m dying to go to bed… Goodnight sweet cheeks

**TheForestCommander 3.10 a.m**

Goodnight, Sky princess.

 

She scrolled through her contacts and quickly found Anya’s number. She pressed dial and waited for her sister to pick up.

“Lexa ? Are you okay ?” Anya sounded terribly worried.

“I’m fine… I wanted to talk to you about something.”

She heard her sister sigh from the other line. “It better be important, seeing you woke me at this ungodly hour.”

“It’s pretty important. I know how sensitive you are about your sleep time. So, I told Clarke about Costia… And about mum and dad.”

There was a pause. “You did.”

“Yeah… I felt like I kind of owed her an explanation, even if she doesn’t know that I’m her soulmate.”  That word was still foreign to her. But what was even more strange was that she could actually picture a face when saying it.“And the death of our parents just came up.”

“I see… What did she say ?”

“She cried when I told her about Costia and told me that she lost her father as well when she was younger.” Lexa stated.

“Alright… Anything else you wanted to say ?”

“Yes, actually.” Lexa took a deep breath.  “I want to draw something back.”

She heard Anya gasp. “Are you sure ? Like a hundred percent sure ? There’s no going back from this. You’ve known her for like three weeks, you need to think about it a bit more.”

“I’m sure.”

Lexa _was_ sure. As she waited for Anya to talk, she uncovered her arms and grabbed a marker. She didn’t know what to write, or to draw… Apparently having a soulmate actually meant having a connection, because she saw a new drawing starting to appear on her now blank skin. A delphinium, her favourite flower. She waited for Clarke to finish her flower, and then took off the cap of her marker. Her hand was shaking as the marker brushed her skin for the first time since she was a kid.

 

_Got a tattoo said 'together thru life'. Carved in your name with my pocket knife. And you wonder when you wake up will it be alright, feels like there's something broken inside. All I know, is that I'm lost whenever you go. All I know, is that I love you so, so much that it hurts._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, I lost the folder with all my fanfictions... Which means that I'm writing them all again. I'm kind of upset because I was already on chapter nine with this story... But I guess I'll have to write the next few chapters all over again.


	7. Am I Wrong

She was startled awake by a weird sound coming from outside her apartment. She figured it was some drunk kid having fun and glanced at the alarm clock on her nightstand. 4 a.m. She rubbed her eyes and lazily got up to go to get some water. She found Octavia with her head buried in her books, scribbling something on her notebook.

“What are you doing here at four in the morning, O ?”

Octavia looked up and acknowledged Clarke’s presence. “Social, Legal, and Ethical Environment of Business is kicking my ass. I just can’t. I need to study.”

“Yes, but you need to sleep as well… Or all the other classes you’re taking will kick your butt.” Clarke knew that college could be soul sucking, but they all needed to rest. Octavia studied a lot, even during the day, but between classes and football practice, it was hard to keep up. She usually had her books with her even when she went to practice, so that she could study even during breaks.

“Clarke what the fuck is that ?” Octavia asked, pointing at her arm.

“Oh, I drew something before going to bed, nothing special. You know drawing helps me calm down.”

“No, shit, look at it.” Octavia was shocked. She was the only one who actually knew who Clarke’s soulmate was and she never expected Lexa to draw back that early. She thought it’d take her months. Clarke’s eyes quickly travelled to her arm and a gasp escaped her mouth. She felt like the world had stopped for a minute or so and she found it hard to function. She rubbed her eyes, thinking she might be dreaming. Yes, she was definitely dreaming. It couldn’t be happening. She had waited for years for this moment and yet..

“What the fuck !” She yelled. “What the actual fuck !”

She rubbed her eyes once again, still astonished by what she was looking at. She brushed the markings gently with her fingers, not wanting to destroy the only thing that linked her to her soulmate. She was crying, but in a way she had never cried before. Those were happy tears streaming down her face. Her heart was racing and her hands were shaking.

“They drew back.”

Octavia warmly smiled at her. “I’d say they wrote back.”

Clarke lightly touched those two words once again, still not believing it was finally happening to her.

_My favourite._

What Clarke knew for sure was that that handwriting was her favourite thing in the world.

 |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

Lexa woke up to way too many notifications on her phone. All coming from one of her contacts.

**OctaviaTheWarrior 4.15 a.m**

Like what the fuck dude

**4.17 a.m**

She’s freaking out

**4.20 a.m**

No shit, I’m freaking out

What are you gonna do now ?

**4.25 a.m**

I can’t, this is something I never thought I’d get to witness… Like she woke up and I saw it, I was ABOUT TO FUCKING PASS OUT !

**4.28 a.m**

I can’t

**4.31 a.m**

How are you asleep ? I mean I think we’re not going to sleep at all here, might as well throw a party. She’s been screaming for the past half hour, I don’t even know how Raven is still asleep

**4.38 a.m**

Let me show you something. Words cannot describe what’s going on now. She’s been like this for maybe forty minutes.

Lexa opened the video Octavia had sent her and smiled at the dancing Clarke that suddenly appeared on her screen. She looked genuinely happy and Lexa regretted having waited that long to draw back. Two words made Clarke jump around in her apartment at four in the morning. Lexa smiled at her phone and watched the video again, and again.

**TheForestCommander 9.23 a.m**

She’s cute.

**OctaviaTheWarrior 9.30 a.m**

She’s crazy. (Still dancing.)

**TheForestCommander 9.32 a.m**

Crazy cute.

**OctaviaTheWarrior 9.46 a.m**

So, what are you going to do now ? Are you telling her ?

**TheForestCommander 9.54 a.m**

Nope. I’m not ready yet. I just wanted her to know that I exist and that she’s not destined to be alone.

**OctaviaTheWarrior 10.00 a.m**

I really think that those two words are having the effect of some kind of drug on her. She noticed the thing at four in the morning and she still hasn’t gone back to bed ! Is that what cocaine does to you ? Because if it is, your damn markings are like cocaine to her. She’s taken like a thousand pictures of it, from every angle possible, not wanting it to fade away. She’s completely mad.

**TheForestCommander 10.15 a.m**

That’s cute ! Convince her to go to bed, though. You’re all coming over for lunch and I don’t want her to fall asleep as we eat. I really don’t want her to break her nose while falling face first on the table.

**OctaviaTheWarrior 10.22 a.m**

Sure, Commander !

 

Lexa was happy. Really happy. She wondered if Clarke was going to tell her about the drawing. She wondered if she was going to be still happy about it. She wondered if it had been just the excitement of the moment, or if Clarke was actually happy about it. She spent her morning studying, since she didn’t have classes.

**OctaviaTheWarrior 11.35 a.m**

YO COMMANDER

**TheForestCommander 11.36 a.m**

Yes ?

**OctaviaTheWarrior 11.38 a.m**

Did you maybe take Social, Legal, and Ethical Environment of Business in your long years here in Polis ?

**TheForestCommander 11.38 a.m**

I did. (And I’m only two years older than you, not fifty.)

**OctaviaTheWarrior 11.42 a.m**

Well I was kind of told that you have a perfect gpa and I thought maybe you could help me ? That course is literally kicking my butt

**TheForestCommander 11.46 a.m**

How exactly were you told about my gpa ? Anyways, if by helping you mean helping you revise or something, that’s out of the question.

**OctaviaTheWarrior 11.48 a.m**

A bird told me ! I just wanted to ask you if you could maybe lend me your notes ? I already have you bossing me around at football, Commander.

**TheForestCommander 11.56 a.m**

Yes, of course. I’ll give you my notebook when you get here for lunch.

Lunchtime came fast and suddenly Lexa was startled by someone ringing the bell. She had been studying a lot and she hadn’t noticed the time going by. She got up to answer the door and found Clarke, Octavia and Raven each holding something different for their lunch together.

Raven had beer and wine, Octavia had brought chips and Clarke was holding a massive chocolate cake. “Oh, wow.”

The group entered the house and helped Lexa set the table. “Sorry guys, I was busy studying and forgot about setting the table.”

They ate quietly, sometimes disturbed by Raven’s jokes. When lunch was over, they were all too full to function and moved to the couch, to relax a bit before going back to their classes.

“Hey, can I talk to you ?” Clarke said, directing her attention to Lexa. The brunette nodded and they walked together to her backyard.

“What is it ? Are you okay ?” Lexa sounded worried, even if she had an idea of what Clarke might tell her.

Clarke smiled at her and showed her the words. “See ? They drew back !”

Lexa felt her heart skip a beat. She was aware. She had written those words. With her own hand. On her skin.

“Oh, wow.” She said. “That’s really great, Clarke.”

Lexa smiled at her and Clarke felt a bit disappointed. “You deserve it.” Lexa said.

“Yeah… I’m really happy.” Clarke commented, trying to decipher what was going on in Lexa’s mind.

“I guess we should go back, we don’t want Octavia and Raven to fall asleep on my couch before going to class.” Lexa smiled again and Clarke chose to smile back at her.

It definitely wasn’t the reaction she was hoping for.

 

 

 _So am I wrong, for thinking that we could be something for real ?_  
_Now am I wrong, for trying to reach the things that I can't see ?_  
_But that's just how I feel, that's just how I feel. That's just how I feel, trying to reach the things that I can't se._


	8. Say Something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone else finds out about Lexa being Clarke's soulmate.

 

“Are you okay ?”

“I mean… Yeah, I guess. I just need to get over the fact that Lexa and I are not destined to be together. I thought we could try it out even if we’re not soulmates, but it would just make us suffer for nothing… When she told me she got her drawings already, I still had hope it could be my drawings she was talking about. Then I got mine and thought maybe she had gotten to know me and understood that I’m not Satan. But when I told her…” She took a deep breath and swallowed hard. “She had no reaction whatsoever. She didn’t tell me it was her, but she didn’t seem upset it wasn’t her, either. She smiled, she was polite, as she always is… But that was it. She said nothing. Every bit of hope that she might be my soulmate was shattered right that moment… I thought she felt what I felt… But she wasn’t even slightly hurt. She was genuinely happy, like a friend would be.”

“Maybe that’s just who she is going to be to you. I know it’s hard, Clarke. I understand… But it wouldn’t even be worth it and you know that. If you are not destined to be with someone, you can’t make it work. Not here, not in this world. Not where soulmates exist. Not when you are destined to be with someone specific. Your soulmate will bring you happiness, Clarke. You’ll meet them and realize that Lexa is good where she is. She’s meant to be your friend, enjoy what you can have. She’ll have her soulmate and you’ll have yours…” Raven’s voice trailed off and Clarke sighed loudly.

“I’m not sure I want her to find her soulmate, though. I can’t believe I’m jealous of someone who isn’t even mine. I need a drink.”

“You can have more than one with me tonight.” Raven smirked.

“I appreciate that.”

“I can assure you that you won’t later when you are bent over the toilet puking your guts out.” She cleared her voice. “So I’m guessing you’ll be studying tonight as well, O.” Raven’s voice echoed through their apartment’s hallway. She was sitting on the couch with Clarke and deciding what to do on that Saturday night. Something that could actually help Clarke get over Lexa.

“Yes, yes I will. You know that I can’t take much time off. Can you please bring me the black notebook ?”

“Yeah, I’ll be right there.” Raven got up and grabbed the notebook that Octavia had previously left on the kitchen counter and began scrolling through it while walking towards her roommate’s bedroom.

“Oh my sweet Jesus.” She cried out. “Octavia what the fuck !”

Octavia suddenly realised what had just happened and ran to get Raven.

“What’s going on ? Did you fall again ?” Clarke’s voice knocked the wind out of Octavia, who had hoped she hadn’t heard.

“She fell !” She quickly said. “I’ve got it, don’t worry.”

Octavia glared at Raven who was looking at her confusedly. “Come with me.”

They walked to her bedroom, and Octavia closed the door behind her back.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on ? Because you look like you know something.” Raven said, with a raised eyebrow.

“So, well…” Octavia was whispering, but she didn’t know what to say.

“Octavia Blake.” Raven’s voice was steady and demanding. “I would recognize this handwriting anywhere. I saw Clarke’s markings. I saw thousands of pictures of them.”

“I might know Clarke’s soulmate.” Octavia’s voice was barely louder than a whisper. “And so do you.”

Raven looked at her in shock. “I’m not sure I want to know. I mean, I’m guessing if Clarke doesn’t know there’s a reason.”

“Yes, there is a reason.” Octavia commented. She was actually relieved to have somebody else to know. She was aware that the moment Clarke found out, she would be angry at her. Now she could share that anger with Raven.

“But tell me anyways, I’m dying to know.” Raven voice was growing more excited with every syllable she pronounced.

“It’s Lexa.”

Raven’s smile suddenly disappeared. “Oh, no.”

“Oh, no ? What ? Why ? It’s perfect !” Octavia asked, in disbelief.

“Yes, I know that. I also know that Clarke has been feeling like shit because she clearly has feelings for Commander Heart Eyes and she’s sure Lexa already knows who her soulmate is ! This is going to be a fucking disaster ! She’s going to be so damn pissed when she finds out !” Raven rolled her eyes and facepalmed herself.

Octavia sighed. “Oh, come on. It’s not like Clarke is going to kill her.”

“I bet she will. She’s going to be freakishly angry and you know that.”

“I’m sure she’ll be upset at first… But she’ll get over it, eventually. It’s not like Lexa is hiding it from her because she’s an asshole. There’s a reason.”

“I’m sure there is and I hope it’s a good one, but Princess Griffin is going to set her apartment and car on fire once she finds out.”

“Maybe you can convince Lexa to talk to her tonight. I tried, but she’s not ready… Maybe some good ol’ Reyes convincing will help.”

“I’ll talk to her, see what I can do.” She smiled. “Don’t study too much.” She walked away and grabbed her phone immediately, to text Lexa.

**TheGreatMechanic 7.35 p.m**

Yo, Commander

**TheForestCommander 7.40 p.m**

Commander at your service, milady.

**TheGreatMechanic 7.42 p.m**

U up for drinks with Princess and my delightful self 2night ?

**TheForestCommander 7.45 p.m**

Yes, of course.

 

Raven walked back to where Clarke was sitting and turned on the tv.

“So, we’re going out tonight. We’re drinking. A lot. And Woods is coming as well.”

“What ? No ! I can’t see her !” Clarke cried out.

“Oh, don’t be stupid. Of course you can. You told her about getting your drawings like two weeks ago and now you’ll talk to her about this nonsense. It’s not like you haven’t seen her already, she’s with us like every day ! She was here this morning !” Raven commented.

“I thought you said it wasn’t worth it.” Clarke said, tilting her head slightly.

“I know what I said. But you’re going to die out of despair if you don’t at least talk to her. And I probably said it’s not worth it because you’ve been crying over her since she went radio silent on you.”

“I’m sure I won’t die.” Clarke sighed.

“Let’s hope you don’t vomit all the vodka you’ll be drinking on Commander Jawline.”

Clarke laughed at Raven’s new nickname for Lexa. “Why does her name change anytime you mention her ?”

“Because I’m sassy and I enjoy doing this.”

“Maybe if she drinks, she’ll tell me a bit more about her soulmate. Or mine.”

 

_And I... am feeling so small, it was over my head. I know nothing at all. And I... will stumble and fall, I'm still learning to love, just starting to crawl._  
_Say something, I'm giving up on you. I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you. Anywhere I would've followed you, say something, I'm giving up on you._  
_And I... will swallow my pride. You're the one that I love, and I'm saying goodbye._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all the nice comments and the kudos I keep getting... This story makes me really happy.  
> Please, enjoy the last few chapters of joy, because shit's about to go down and we'll all suffer when it does.  
> 


	9. Iris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven tries talking to Lexa and so does Clarke.

Lexa took extra care in getting ready that night. She didn’t really know why, but she wanted to look nice. She was wearing a white button up that perfectly hugged her figure with a black bow tie. She had chosen to wear black skinny jeans and a pair of black Nikes, her favourite shoes. Black eye liner on her eyes and her hair was flowy with lots of small braids. Black was most definitely her colour.

She walked to the girls’ apartment and breathed hard before ringing the bell. She heard Raven yelling from behind the door and chuckled softly. Typical.

“Damn, Commander !” Raven commented as she opened the door. “You lookin’ fine my girl !”

Lexa smiled softly at Raven, who was wearing ripped jeans and a white t-shirt, with her signature red leather jacket. “Thank you, Raven. You look good as well.”

“I always do ! Wait till you see blondie.” Raven winked. “She hot. You gon’ die, my friend.”

Lexa walked inside the apartment and waited for Clarke to show up. The blonde was always kind of late, or maybe it was Lexa who was always kind of early. Likely it was both.

The moment Clarke stepped into the living room, Lexa realize that saying that she was hot was an understatement.

She was wearing a short black dress, that looked perfect on her, with white Chuck Taylor's.  Her hair was wavy and the dark make up around her eyes made them pop out even more than usually. Lexa stood there, with her jaw basically touching the ground.

“Yo, Commander.” Raven giggled. “Close that mouth of yours, I don’t want to have to clean the floor because you drooled all over it.”

Lexa shook her head to regain her composure. “Uhm… You look… Really good.”

_Smooth, intricate vocabulary you have there. Good job, Lexa._

“Thank you.” Clarke smiled. “You look very nice yourself.”

“Octavia, we’re leaving !” Raven yelled into the hallway. “Don’t have too much fun without us.”

Octavia said nothing, but her irritated groans were worth a thousand words.

They decided to walk to Polaris, since their apartment was quite close to it. Raven was determined to talk to Lexa and so was Clarke. Lexa, on the other hand, was oblivious to the girls’ plan.

“We’re having shots.” Raven stated. “Tequila shots.”

“Do you really want to start our night with tequila shots ?” Lexa asked, taken aback by Raven’s statement. The girl usually liked starting her night with a couple of beers.

“Yeah, I feel like tequila suits this night better than anything else.”

The thing is that a round of tequila shots turned into five and while Raven looked just a bit tipsy, both Clarke and Lexa were positively hammered.

“Commander !” Raven yelled. “Come talk to me !” She had seen Clarke talking with someone from one of her classes and had decided to take advantage of Lexa being alone.

“What is it ?” Lexa slurred.

“I know you’re pretty wasted, but you need to pain attention to what I’m going to say now, alright ?” Raven said and Lexa nodded slightly. “I know that you’re Clarke’s soulmate.”

“Shush ! She can hear you !” Lexa yelled, putting a finger on Raven’s mouth.

“She can definitely hear you, genius. Keep it quiet, will you ?” Raven shook her head.

“Wait.” Lexa looked at her, confusion spreading on her face. “How do you know ?”

“I found your notebook at our place and I recognized the handwriting… Octavia just confirmed.”

“Oh fuck my life.” Lexa sighed. “I told Octavia to be extra careful with it.”

“She was. Clarke never saw it.” Raven said. “Which is what matters. Now… What is your plan ?”

“My plan ?” The confusion on Lexa’s face grew even wider. “I have no plan.”

“That won’t work. You need a plan.” Raven said, with her thinking face on.

“To do what, exactly ?”

“To tell blondie.” Raven stated, matter-of-factly.

“I’m not telling Clarke.” Lexa stated.

“Why not ? I know you like her.” Raven commented.

“I… I don’t like her.” Lexa blushed profusely.

“Yeah, sure. And I’m the Queen of England.” She rolled her eyes and then shook her head.

“You should have told me before, your Majesty.” Lexa laughed and bowed her head.

“Come on, dork. Tell her.” Raven shook her head and sighed loudly.

“I can’t.”

Raven didn’t need an explanation. She saw it in Lexa’s eyes. Whatever was stopping her, it was a good reason.  But she knew that Clarke was suffering because of Lexa’s fear and she had to do something. She was trying to do something, because whatever was going on between Clarke and Lexa was ridiculous.

“But you do like her, you can be honest with me.”

Lexa blushed. “I do.”

“I’m not going to say anything, but when you tell her you won’t be disappointed.”

They went back to the bar to order one more round of shots and Clarke gladly joined them.

“That guy is so boring, I thought I was going to pass out.” She said, downing her shot. “Where were you guys ?”

Lexa opened her mouth to answer, but was cut off by Raven. “Wick is here, I had to let Lexa know who to stay away from.”

Clarke laughed and her laughter made Lexa’s heart stop.

“Do you mind if I steal Lexa for a while ?” The blonde asked, looking at Raven.

“No, not at all.” She winked and walked away.

“Can we go outside for a while ? The music is kind of too loud.”

Lexa nodded and followed Clarke. They were both quite drunk and kept slamming into each other.

“It might be the tequila speaking, but…” Clarke began. “I kind of feel like you’ve already met your soulmate and you don’t want to tell me.”

Lexa was taken aback by Clarke’s statement. “Why would I do that ?”

Clarke shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s just a feeling.”

“I would tell you, Clarke.”

_Liar, liar, liar. I have met my soulmate, Clarke. It’s you. And I want to hold you and kiss you and tell you how beautiful you are… But it’s not happening, because I’m a coward._

She hoped her thoughts wouldn’t somehow be heard by the blonde standing in front of her. She knew it wasn’t possible, but still… Maybe being soulmates meant that as well. She studied Clarke’s face, nothing had changed. Her make-up was a little smeared, but she looked beautiful anyhow. She would probably look beautiful even without her make-up on. Lexa was so screwed.

"Promise me you will once you do."

Lexa looked at her for a second. Promising meant making sure Clarke would flip out once she told her. Not promising meant telling her now, though. Was she ready to let Clarke know that they were destined to be together ? Was she ready to finally have that fulfilling love she was promised the day she got her drawings ?

"I promise."

 

_And I'd give up forever to touch you, cause I know that you feel me somehow. You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, and I don't want to go home right now. And all I can taste is this moment, and all I can breathe is your life. And sooner or later it's over, I just don't wanna miss you tonight._   
_And I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am._   
_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming, or the moment of truth in your lies. When everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you're alive._

  
 


	10. Losing You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A storm is coming, brace yourselves.  
> WARNING : From now on, characters will swear quite a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, bear with me.  
> First of all, I'm so overwhelmed by the love this story is getting. Over 11000 hits, almost 600 kudos. It just makes me extremely happy.  
> I hope you guys don't mind swearing, because, from now on, the characters will swear. A lot. A storm is coming in this chapter and you can all guess what's going to happen. Also, you'll have a few chapters of drama, tears, yelling. BUT, it'll be worth it, I can promise you that.  
> Then.... The finale... Guys... I'm not going to say anything because I reckon some of you might have not seen it, but... LEXA WAS LIKE A FREAKING SUPERHERO ! 
> 
> Oh, and... I'm kind of sorry for this.

It felt like a normal day.

The sun was shining, the birds were chirping outside. The alarm clock went off at the usual time, breakfast was quick and warm. Her coffee tasted the same. The usual good morning text was there. The shower she took was the way she liked it. She felt fine, normal. She walked to class like she did every morning. She got bored and almost fell asleep on her desk, as usual. She went to have lunch at Lexa’s with Octavia and Raven and then back to her apartment.

But it wasn’t a normal day, because everything was going to change for her.

The afternoon was uneventful, she spent it studying for an upcoming exam. Octavia and Raven were studying as well, the apartment was kind of quiet. She was overwhelmed by all the notes she had and the stack of books she needed to study was almost as tall as she was. She got a text from Jasper and gladly took the opportunity to get distracted for a while.

**JasperTheOnly 6.45 p.m**

Hey yo, Sky girl, are you still looking for your soulmate ?

**ClarkeFromTheSky 6.46 p.m**

I’m not actively looking for them, I’m guessing I’ll have to wait till I’m like seventy to know them. Haven’t gotten anything from them since that first time… Which was like five weeks ago.

**JasperTheOnly 6.50 p.m**

Is this one of your drawings ?

Clarke opened the picture Jasper had sent her and stopped breathing for a second. It was one of her drawings. While studying the anatomy of the heart, she had decided to draw one on her forearm. It was detailed, and her style was clearly showing.

**ClarkeFromTheSky 7 p.m**

Who is it, Jasper ?

**JasperTheOnly 7.02 p.m**

It’s a girl from my English lit class… She fell asleep on the desk and I saw it… I don’t think you know her, though. I’m sorry it took me this long to tell you, but I was kind of busy

 

A girl.

She had always kind of thought it would be a boy. The non-drawing back thing made her almost sure it was a boy. She knew it could be either a boy or a girl, but knowing that it was a girl made everything more realistic. It was becoming real. She had a soulmate who went to the same University. A soulmate who was in Jasper’s class.

**ClarkeFromTheSky 7.04 p.m**

No worries. I waited for her for five years, a few hours don’t matter. What’s her name ? I’ll go find her on Facebook or something

**JasperTheOnly 7.05 p.m**

Lexa Woods.

 

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Lexa was studying, her desk was covered in endless pages of notes and a thousand books. She was tired, but not willing to have her gpa drop right before graduation. She heard someone knocking furiously on her front door and was kind of annoyed by the sudden distraction.  

“I’m coming, calm down.”

The moment Lexa opened the door, she realized what had happened. The anger in Clarke’s eyes was undeniable. She was shaking with rage, both her hands clamped into fists. Her eyes were red, swollen, and full of tears. She was terrifying. She looked like she was planning on murdering her, or setting her house on fire.

“I find it funny how you managed to lie to me.” Clarke said, the anger noticeable in her voice. “To hide my drawings and pretend like it didn’t matter.”

“I…” Lexa stuttered, not knowing what to say. She had never thought about what she would say if something like that was to happen. She never thought Clarke would find out. She thought she was going to have the chance to tell her herself. She had been so careful. She was always fully dressed even when it was warm and always careful not to write anything whenever Clarke was around.

“No, you let me do the talking.” Clarke hissed. “I can’t believe you would fucking lie to me about something this huge. I don’t even know what to say. I had all these insults I wanted to spit at you. I even contemplated slapping you or something. I should set your damn house of fire ! You knew how important it was to me. You knew I was scared of ending up alone. You knew I was dying to know who it was." She breathed hard, trying to regain her composure. "How long have you known ?”

Lexa cleared her voice. “I found out the day we met.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. How the fuck did you know ? And why didn’t you tell me ?” Her will to stay calm disappeared the moment Lexa spoke up. 

“You were wearing a short sleeved t-shirt. I saw the sunflower on your arm. I had one too.”  She was crying now, unable to control herself. This wasn't supposed to be happening. She had been careful. She had been extremely cautious around Clarke and her friends. She had begged both Octavia and Raven to avoid the subject whenever possible. Clarke’s words were cutting through her like a knife.

“I don’t think I have anything else to say. I am disappointed to say the least. You knew I had feelings for you and you left me wondering why you couldn’t like me back. I wouldn’t have forced you into anything and you should know that. You’ve known we’re soulmates for two freaking months and you never thought to tell me ? I had to find out this shitty way ?” Clarke’s voice was full of resentment and her rage was making her blood boil. Her eyes were getting redder with every moment passing by and tears kept flowing down her cheeks. Fury and hurt mixed together made Clarke look scary.

“I’m sorry.” Lexa’s voice was broken, her lips were trembling with every word she said. Her heart, on the other hand, was trembling with every word Clarke said.

“Oh, are you ? I can’t believe you managed to lie to me for two whole months. I understand the beginning, of course I didn’t want you to fucking throw your arms at me the moment you saw the damn flower… But goddammit, Lexa !  I’m disappointed because I thought we had something. Even if it was only friendship for you, it was something we shared. You're not supposed to behave this way with your friends. I thought you cared. But you ruined everything and I don’t want to see you ever again.”

With that, Clarke stormed off, leaving Lexa on the doorway. The brunette felt the weight of the world come crashing down on her, and her knees gave out.

Anya found her a couple of hours later in the same position, shaking and bawling on the ground.

 

_Here we are, painting pictures of a war. Maybe I don't get it all, so here we are again, so cold. Maybe there's another way, maybe words don't have to play another part._ _Tell me what I could have done, looking back I tried my best to carry on. But the feeling we once had, starts to fade beneath the bad, and it's everything._ _And I'm losing you, and I'm almost at the point of giving it up. And I'm losing you, but I don't think you can see there's no other love._ _Here I am, staring back of what we were. Just remember it was her that made me, now I'm crawling, to stop from falling. Will I ever understand ? You're what I want._

 


	11. Chasing Pavements

Two days later, Clarke finally found the energy to talk to her roommates. She had spent the previous 48 hours crying in bed, unable to understand if she was crying tears of despair or of anger. She was confused with what she was feeling. She was hurt, disappointed, furious. She had hoped for so long it could be Lexa, but she had been sure it couldn’t be her. She was mad like she had never been before. She felt betrayed, not only by Lexa, but by her best friends as well.

“So you both knew.” She stated.

Octavia and Raven nodded slightly.

“And you didn’t tell me.”

Another nod.

“Why ?”

Octavia took a deep breath. “It wasn’t our place to tell you. She wasn’t ready and we waited.”

“You should have told me. I am your friend. How long have you known ?” Clarke was pacing back and forth, unable to look at them.

“I found out the day she did.” Octavia whispered. She knew Clarke would hate her for lying. 

“What ? Are you fucking kidding me right now ?!” Clarke was getting angrier and angrier.

“We were together after practice and I saw one of your drawings… It was the night I wasn’t supposed to go out because I had to study, but once I realized that she was your soulmate I decided it was worth it. When we were at Polaris, she told me that she had met you that morning, but wasn’t ready to tell you yet. I respected her wishes.” Octavia spoke quietly, tentatively. She didn’t want to upset Clarke and decided that telling the truth was her best shot.

“I can’t believe you lied to me for two months. You’re my best friends, how could you do this to me ?”

“I found out like the other day. The tequila shots night. I tried talking to her, but I couldn’t tell you. It wasn’t fair. Clarke, it wasn’t our place. We tried talking to her, but she's stubborn, you know that.” Raven said. She hated to see her best friend hurt, but she didn’t regret her choice. The soulmate discovery was something extremely personal and she had understood that Lexa wasn’t ready, even without knowing the actual reason.

“Was it fair to leave me hanging ? You knew how much I was suffering !” Clarke was yelling again. She had already cried too much about it, but tears kept flowing down her cheeks. “And now it’s even worse than it was before.”

Octavia and Raven just looked at her, saying nothing. There was nothing to say. “I can’t believe I finally found my soulmate after five fucking years and I’m here crying my heart out because she didn’t fucking tell me !”

She was disappointed to say the least. She had opened up to Lexa, telling her how important it was to her to find her soulmate. She had explained that she was suffering because she was afraid of ending up alone. Apparently, it wasn't enough. 

“I need a drink.” Clarke commented. “No, I need several drinks.”

“There’s a party tonight, we should go.”

 

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Anya never left her side. Not when she started screaming her heart out. Not when she vomited out of desperation. Not when she started throwing everything she found to the ground. Not when she locked her bedroom door and demanded to be left alone.

Lexa cried. A lot.

She didn’t talk, she didn’t want to talk. She was positively scared her heart was shattered beyond repair.

“She’ll come around.” Was the only thing Anya said.

Nothing seemed to be worth saying. She knew Lexa was devastated. She didn’t even know how Clarke had found out, but it didn’t really matter. What mattered was that Clarke didn’t want to see her, or talk to her. She had tried texting her, begging to let her explain.

Clarke had never answered.

“I fucked up.” Were the first words Anya heard her say after two days of silence.

“She’ll understand.” Anya whispered. “Eventually. Just give her some time.”

“I don’t know what to do.” Her voice was croaked, and harsh.

“There’s nothing to do, Lexa. Just wait for her.”

“She’ll never come back to me.” She whispered. “I fucked up big time. And I even wonder why I’m saying that she’ll never come back to me, since she was never with me.”

She heard a faint knock on the door and ran to get it. She quickly opened the door to find her cousin Lincoln smiling at her. She felt a bit disappointed, she had hoped it was Clarke.

“Anya said you might need help.”

He hugged her tight and waited for her to let go. “What is there to do, though ?”

He shrugged. “We’ll think about that later.”

“Well… There’s a party tonight and I’m sure she’ll be there. We should go too. Even if she doesn’t want to talk to you, you can get wasted and forget about her for a few hours.” Anya suggested.

“Yeah, and risk getting all murdered by her and her friends ?” Lexa frowned. 

“You said they knew, they can’t be angry at you.” Lexa had tried to text them as well. Octavia had replied, saying Clarke was out of her mind. It had made Lexa feel even worse. She could accept suffering, but she didn’t want Clarke to be miserable because of her.

“Oh, they can. They both told me to be honest… of course, I didn’t listen. I really fucking thought that telling Clarke about Costia would made this right. I thought I was going to have the time to tell her. I thought I was going to tell her in some cheesy and romantic way. I was aware that she'd be mad... But hearing it from me would make it a bit better.”  Her voice was now steady. She had never stopped shaking, her legs still felt like jelly.

“I know, but it’s none of their business, is it ? It’s been two days. I’m sure she won’t kill you. For what I understand she enjoys yelling, but I don’t think she’ll actively try to kill you. We all thought you had time, Lexa.” 

Lexa knew Clarke would kill her if she could. She had known the moment she had opened the door to find her with her fists still raised.  She had seen it in her eyes, the blonde wanted to smash her head against the wall. She had never seen the rage she saw in Clarke’s eyes in her whole life.

And she played football, there were many angry people there.

The kind of fury she saw in Clarke’s eyes was something else. A mixture of rage, disappointment and sadness. Those eyes were what had broken Lexa’s heart. Shattered it into million pieces. Left her on the ground crying her eyes out.

It was a kind of pain that was new to her. Something she had never felt before. Completely unexpected.

 

_I've made up my mind, don't need to think it over. If I'm wrong, I am right, don't need to look no further, this ain't lust... I know this is love._   
_But if I tell the world, I'll never say enough 'cause it was not said to you, and that's exactly what I need to do, if I end up with you._   
_Should I give up ? Or should I just keep chasing pavements... Even if it leads nowhere ? Or would it be a waste, even if I knew my place ?_   
_Should I leave it there?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The pain will be worth it, I can promise you that.


	12. Hurt Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party is a bit of a mess.

The party was full of people, but Clarke spotted Lexa almost the exact moment she entered the room. She was with her sister and a tall and muscly man, and she appeared to be already quite drunk. The brunette was sitting down, a drink in her hand, looking at her sister and friend talking. She looked lost. Her eyes looked tired. The minimal make-up she was wearing kind of enhanced the black bags under her eyes. She looked exhausted. She looked the way Clarke felt. Then Lexa turned around and their eyes locked.

Clarke saw only pain in the brunette’s eyes and decided to stop looking at her. It was too much. She desperately wanted to be angry at her, but those emerald eyes made her shiver. If she kept staring at her, her anger would eventually fade away and she couldn’t afford that. What Lexa had done to her was unfair and she wasn’t going to forgive her anytime soon.

“Let’s get something to drink.” She said and so they did. 

One round of shots turned into two and then into too many to count. There were people playing beer pong and Clarke would occasionally play a few rounds and she always ended up losing and drinking way too much beer. Clarke was drunk, and enjoying every moment of her inebriated state. The world spun around Clarke who went to Raven for comfort. Even when drunk, her heart didn’t stop aching. Even when drunk, her eyes kept scanning the room looking for Lexa.  She couldn’t see her, and figured the brunette was even drunker than she was, possibly throwing up in the bathroom. She had hoped getting drunk would make her forget about Lexa, even if for just a minute. When she realized in wasn’t going to happen, she felt a bit disappointed.

“Where’s O ?”

“She was with Lexa’s friend the last time I saw her.” Raven slurred and winked at the blonde.

“Dirty Octaviaaaa !” Clarke yelled, giggling. "And dirty Raven too ! Why are you dancing on that ?" 

Raven shrugged and kept dancing. Her body was moved by the alcohol in her veins and Clarke thought her friend might fall from that table. "I can she your vagoo from down here."

"The fuck is a vagoo"

She opened her mouth to speak and the world stopped spinning around her when Lexa touched her shoulder. She recognized the barely familiar touch without having to look at her. She turned around to face her and smiled at the sight.

“Can we talk ?” Her voice was steady, but her eyes suggested a somewhat high level of intoxication. And sadness. Sober Clarke would have avoided her, but drunk Clarke wanted to talk. Drunk Clarke wanted to understand.

“Sure.” She said, trying to look as sober as she possibly could. She felt a bit jealous of Lexa’s composure.

They walked outside, because the music was kind of too loud. And because they wanted to have their privacy. Neither of them knew where this was going to take them. Lexa wanted to apologize and find a way to fix things with Clarke. Clarke, on the other hand, wanted to listen to Lexa and keep a strong façade.

“Listen, I’m sorry.” Lexa begun. Her voice was becoming less steady and she kept fidgeting with her clothes. She looked like she had prepared a long, eternal speech, but the words didn’t seem to find their way out of her mouth.

Clarke noticed that the girl in front of her was visibly shaking. She didn’t know if it was the alcohol in her veins or the heartbreak. Possibly both. She looked stunning anyways. Even if her make-up was slightly smeared around the eyes. Even if she looked like she hadn’t slept in weeks.

“You don’t have to be.” Clarke commented.

Lexa looked at her, with a curious look on her face.

“You were selfish for what you did. And you did it willingly. Don’t be sorry for a choice you made.” Clarke looked calm. Calmer than Lexa expected her to be. Something in her voice suggested a hint of irony. And annoyance.

“I am sorry for hurting you, Clarke. Not the choice I made. You know why I didn’t tell you. _You_ said my person would understand.” Lexa said. Deep down, she knew lying to Clarke had been a bad choice. But the idea of starting something with her was literally terrifying. She was Clarke Griffin, not just any girl. She was special. She elevated herself.

“I do know, yes. And I am aware of what I said. But it’s me, Lexa. I told you I understood the Costia thing. Telling me didn’t mean jumping into a relationship you clearly don’t want.” Clarke’s voice was starting to get louder and louder with every word she pronounced. Her patience was limited. “You promised you would tell me, Lexa. When you are friends with someone you’re supposed to keep the promises you made.”

“It’s not that I didn’t want it. I was scared. I still am.” Lexa, on the other hand, was still calm. Her voice was steady and soft. She was trying to explain herself, she desperately wanted Clarke to understand. She knew that her reasoning could appear to be unwise. She knew demanding Clarke’s understanding was selfish.

“I can’t believe you !” Clarke was now shouting and she saw Lexa’s eyes growing impatient and somewhat scared. “I tried everything to make you understand that I’m not fucking Satan, yet here we are ! How can you be scared of me ? I’ve done nothing but try to be your fucking friend !”

“I’m not scared of you !” Lexa was now screaming as well, her otherwise calm demeanor quickly disappeared, leaving its place to an angry Lexa.

“Then what is wrong with you ?” Clarke asked, looking at her.

“I fucking love you, that’s what is wrong with me !” Lexa yelled and was surprised by herself. Her hand was covering her mouth and tears were flowing down her cheeks. Her feelings for Clarke were too strong to handle. She wasn’t used to this. She felt exposed and weak. Nobody had ever made her feel that way. Her feelings for Clarke were dangerous. She had never let anyone in her soul. Nobody had ever reached her heart like Clarke had. Nobody had ever made Lexa’s everything tremble. Her world was different with Clarke in it. Everything felt easier, everything looked more beautiful.

It was as if Clarke had brought colour in her world.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I would update twice a week, but I have all the chapters ready and I can't wait to show them to you guys. Let me know what you think about this one. Kudos are appreciated as well.  
> For the people who comment every single chapter (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) I just wanted to thank you, you make everything better.  
> Also, I have this headcanon : Clarke yells when she's angry. And she's scary.


	13. I Wanna Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I uploading yet again ? You can bet I am. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter... Comments and kudos are always appreciated.   
> This story is really close to 16000 hits ! I'm sooo excited !

“Last night was pretty intense.”

“Do you mean when I told Clarke I love her and then proceeded to vomit right on the spot ? Or when I felt so sick I had to run away like a scared child ? Yeah, that was intense.” Lexa commented, sighing.

Anya looked at her, unsure about what to do. “It was an eventful night.”

Lexa looked at her and chuckled, which was new in the state she was in. “Did you see Lincoln and Octavia ?” Anya asked, trying to change the subject.

“Did I see them ? I fucking heard them all night long. You know she’s here, right ?” Lexa smirked.

“I guess all the wine from last night made me deaf, because I really didn’t know.” Anya looked genuinely surprised. "And my room is right next to Lincoln's. Why do you have like four guest rooms here anyways ?"

"It's not like a chose this house, Anya. You gave it to me. Mum and dad bought it for you."

"They did, but I don't need it."

A few moments passed till they heard someone walking downstairs.

“Morning.” Octavia mumbled. “I’m sorry guys, I didn’t mean to sleep here.”

“It’s okay, Octavia.” Lexa said, smiling at her. “We were all pretty drunk.”

“I heard someone professed her undying love for my best friend and then vomited all over the place.” Octavia grinned.

Lexa blushed. “Yes, that wasn’t one of my best moments.”

“We’ve all done things we regret while drunk.”

“Oh, I don’t regret it. I only regret the part where I vomited and Clarke almost died of laughter. Which was pretty weird, considering she had been yelling at me just a few seconds before that. She was even holding my hair back, it was definitely unexpected.”

_Clarke looked at her in disbelief. Was Lexa being serious ? Was it the alcohol talking ? She didn’t know what to say, she simply stared at the brunette standing in front of her. She tried studying her eyes, her expression. Lexa looked at her expectantly, but Clarke couldn’t bring herself to react in any way. Her eyes were wide in surprise and she was certain her heart had stopped beating sometime during their fight. Nothing she thought of seemed to be appropriate. Lexa was still shaking, tears rolling down her cheeks. Her hands were now curled in fists, her arms hanging down her sides. Clarke had been so angry, never once thinking that Lexa might actually love her.  
_

_“I’m going to be sick.” Lexa whispered and Clarke took a step back, right in time. Lexa was bent over vomiting before she even got to finish talking. Clarke stared at her, and couldn't help but laugh loudly at the sight. Lexa, the stoic, ever serious Lexa, was vomiting her guts out right in front of her. Clarke shook her head to regain her composure and stubmled towards her, to hold her hair back. Lexa was startled by Clarke’s touch, but she was not in the right place to say something._

_“It’s okay.” She whispered, rubbing soothing circles on Lexa’s back._

“I know, Clarke can be quite loud when she’s angry. But vodka can work unexpected magic on her.”

“Yes, it apparently can work magic on myself as well." She sighed again and facepalmed herself. "Do you know if she got home safely last night ? I just ran away after my show and I haven’t heard from her.” Lexa was genuinely preoccupied.

“Raven texted me a picture last night.” Octavia said, handing her her phone. “Apparently you weren’t the only one drunk enough to vomit all over the place… Raven said she managed to get to the toilet, though. And she slept on the floor.”

Lexa smiled at the phone. She couldn’t believe she managed to find Clarke cute even like that. The girl was sprawled on the bathroom floor, blond hair all over the place. She had her mouth slightly open, drooling profusely. 

“I’m glad to know she got home.” She smiled. “My cousin has been here for less than 24 hours and he’s already managed to find himself a girl. A good one, even.”

“Your cousin is pretty great, I have to say.” Octavia smirked and Lexa mimicked vomiting. “Aren’t you tired of vomiting ?”

“Never ! I think my body is now made for 80% out of alcohol. It’s disturbing.”

“I’d say mine is probably 95%. You know, I didn’t really get to throw up last night.” Octavia giggled. “Are you planning on talking to Clarke again, though ?”

“I think what I did last night was enough. I guess she understood how I feel and the vomiting part is too embarrassing to handle right now.” 

Octavia laughed again and they all went to the kitchen to get some coffee.

“I’m so used to being alone here, I don’t even know if I have enough mugs for everyone.”

Turns out she didn’t, and she ended up drinking her tea in a glass. They spent the day in the couch, still feeling hungover. Lexa couldn’t help but notice how cute Lincoln and Octavia looked. They had known each other for a few hours, but they looked like they had known each other forever. Maybe they were soulmates.

And then it happened.

Lincoln started writing a list of stuff to buy for a barbecue they were planning and Octavia’s eyes widened the moment she realized the list was on her arm as well. There was a minute of silence, before either of them spoke.

“I can’t believe I found you.” Octavia whispered. Lincoln looked at her in awe and kissed her softly.

“We found each other.” He commented. “Finally.”

They just stared at each other for what felt like eternity before snapping back to reality.

“Turns out coming here to help my cousin made me find my soulmate.” He smirked at Lexa.

Lexa rolled her eyes. “Of course it did, I’m the only one who keeps fucking up. I can’t believe you found her in the span of a night and I’ve known mine for two months and a half and now she hates me.” She was genuinely happy for Lincoln and Octavia, but  it stung a little. 

They all laughed, but the truth was that everyone felt sorry for her. She never meant to hurt Clarke, and they all knew it. They knew her reasons and understood them, it was Clarke’s turn to see.

“You guys, I almost vomited on her feet. How am I this disgusting ?” 

“I was told it wasn’t that bad.” Octavia giggled. “Though lots of people saw your little show.”

Lexa sighed. “Lots of people as in Raven saw it, or lots of people as in everyone saw it ?”

Octavia shrugged. “Not everyone, but I’m thinking about fifteen to twenty people. You know, the screaming was kind of loud. I’m so disappointed I missed the whole thing.”

“Oh, fuck my life. Now everyone knows how miserable and terrible I am. That’s just great.” She knew what image people had of her. And she liked it. People thought she was scary. People thought she was strong. People thought she was the one making people cry.

And everyone had seen her trembling like a leaf because of Clarke.

 

_ I've been hit by stars, a beauty you are, a beauty you are. Day turns into night, you light up my dark, you light up my dark. You're the one that I see waking up next to me and I hope it's the same for you. But you play with my mind when you send me these signs and I see other guys get 'em too. I wanna know where do we go from hey ? Why are you keeping me on hold ? Don't wanna leave this place alone.  _


	14. Middle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter.  
> Rememeber to read the notes at the end !

She tossed and turned in bed, unable to sleep. She glanced at the alarm clock on her night stand. It was barely two in the morning, even if she felt like it had been ages since she had gone to bed. She decided to get up and take a walk. Maybe it could help her clear her head. She walked and walked, even if the freezing air made her shiver. She wanted to feel something. She felt numb, like if nothing could touch her anymore. She wanted to feel what Lexa had made her feel.

Lexa loved her.

She had been pretty clear about it. There were no other ways to interpret those words. She was scared, scared because she thought she might have overreacted. Scared because she thought she might have lost Lexa forever. Scared because she thought she'd end up alone. Lexa looked so hurt by her words. The pain in the brunette's eyes had made her whole body shiver in fear. It felt so wrong to scream at her the way she had. It was wrong. 

She walked around aimlessly for about one hour. It had been three days since Lexa had told her she loved her. She hadn’t had the courage to talk to her. When Lexa had left that night, Clarke felt like she couldn’t move. The world had stopped when Lexa was pronouncing those words. 

_“I fucking love you, that’s what is wrong with me !”_

Clarke had believed she was dreaming. Lexa couldn’t love her. She had been so focused on being angry at Lexa for hiding the truth from her that she had never thought about the brunette having actual feelings for her. It couldn’t be happening to her. The idea of ending up alone was even more terrifying now that she had found Lexa.

 When she found herself in front of Lexa’s apartment, she knew what was to be done.

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Lexa had been staring at the ceiling for hours. Sleeping had become increasingly difficult from the night Clarke had found out about them being soulmates. It was almost three in the morning, and Lexa couldn’t help but think about the night she had talked to Clarke about Costia. It had been so comforting. Clarke was her safe place. She was the only one who had the power to calm Lexa even when the world seemed to be falling apart.

The bell going off startled her. She glanced at the clock on her bedroom wall 3.15 a.m. She surely wasn’t going to open the door at three in the morning, she was desperate, not willing to die. The bell went off again. She knew it couldn’t be Anya, she would have called her. It couldn’t be Lincoln either, he was with Octavia. Hell, it couldn’t even be Cl…

“Lexa, it’s me.”

She breathed hard at that voice she loved so much and then walked to the door. She unlocked it to let Clarke in.

“Did I wake you ?” Clarke looked positively devastated. Her eyes kind of mirrored what Lexa felt.

“No, I was awake. I can’t… I can’t really sleep.”

“Yeah, I figured. Me neither.” Clarke sighed. “Can we talk ?”

“Yes… Yes, of course. Let’s go to the living room… Do you want something to drink ?”

“Water is fine, thank you.” Clarke walked to the living room, while Lexa went to the kitchen to get water. When Lexa walked into the living room, she found Clarke pacing back and forth.

“I’m sorry for the way I ran away the other night, Clarke.”

“Stop.” Clarke blurted out. “Stop saying that you’re sorry, you’ve said it enough.”

Lexa nodded, remaining silent.

“I’m sorry, Lexa.” Clarke whispered. “I overreacted.”

Lexa looked at her, surprise clear in her eyes. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.” Clarke stated. “I know we both made mistakes, and I’m still upset because you lied to me..”

Clarke’s voice was different. Lexa had gotten so used to Clarke yelling at her that her soft voice felt almost weird. Pleasant, but still weird.

“I’d like us to start fresh.” Clarke begun. “I want us to be us again. We both know that we’re destined to be together and I want you to know that I’m ready to be with you. I will wait for you. I will wait for you to be ready. And I want you to know that whenever you’ll be ready, we’ll start slow. I’ve been feeling almost sick without you by my side. I don’t know… I feel this…”

“Hole in your heart, yeah, I can relate.” Lexa cut her off. Clarke nodded.

 “Are you sure that we’re awake ?”

Clarke looked at her, confusion in her eyes. “What ?”

“I feel like I’m dreaming. I know that we’re destined to be together, but I really thought you’d never want to see me again. I thought I’d fucked up everything. I thought I’d end up being alone because I made a huge mistake. I thought I was going to be the first person to find their soulmate and let them go away. I am feeling a kind of happiness I never thought I’d feel.”

Clarke smiled at her. She had seen Lexa cry before, but she could tell that those tears were different. She knew because she felt the same. The hug that came after Lexa’s words was almost automatic and it felt good. Familiar, even. They belonged together and the way Clarke’s head fit perfectly in the crook of Lexa’s neck made everything better. She knew the kind of happiness Lexa was talking about. Even if nothing had actually happened between them, the comfort of knowing made them happy. The comfort of having someone so special next to her, made her happy.

“Can I ask you something ?”

Lexa nodded. “Yes, of course.”

“I have a tattoo.” Clarke whispered. “I was wondering if that got on your skin as well.”

“Oh, that’s what it was.” Lexa said. “I thought you’d gone crazy because it was the first time you were writing something instead of drawing the usual stuff.”

“So it didn’t stay there ?” Clarke was confused. She had always wondered whether her soulmate had gotten her tattoo as well. The rule was that anytime you drew something on your skin, it appeared on the other person’s skin.

“Oh, no. It did. It was kind of weird, because I didn’t know it was a tattoo… And I wondered why it was still there.” Lexa commented. “It’s not exactly like a tattoo, though. It kind of looks like a faded scar now. It’s pretty, I love it.”

Clarke uncovered her left ankle and so did Lexa. The blonde gasped at Lexa’s version of her tattoo. It almost looked like a white ink tattoo. “So I’m guessing this happens when your soulmate gets a tattoo.” She said, brushing her fingers lightly on Lexa’s ankle.

_May we meet again._

“I wanna do something. Wait here.” Clarke whispered. She got up and walked to Lexa’s study, with the brunette waiting for her on the couch.

“Close your eyes.” She called out from the study.

Lexa did as asked, and then waited.

“Okay, you can open them.”

Lexa opened her eyes to find Clarke standing in front of her. Nothing seemed different. Clarke was smiling at her and waiting. When Lexa’s confusion became evident, Clarke nodded her head towards Lexa’s forearm. The brunette looked down, and smiled at the sight of what Clarke had written.

_I love you too._

Lexa stared at the markings for a long time, tears rolling down her cheeks. She wanted to say something, she wanted to scream at the world that Clarke Griffin, her Clarke Griffin, loved her. But her breath itched in her throat, and her hands were shaking uncontrollably. Her eyes shot up and she looked at Clarke who was smiling tenderly at her.

“You do ?” Lexa finally managed to blurt out.

“I do. As in I’m in love with you.”  Her voice was soft, she was calm and composed, while Lexa was a sobbing mess on the couch.

Lexa got up, her legs were clearly shaking, her eyes were red and swollen, full of tears. With her right hand, she cupped Clarke’s cheek who was now blushing profusely. Clarke grabbed Lexa’s left arm and placed it on her waist. They were staring at each other, blue sky melting with green forest, none of them willing to let go.

“May I ?” Lexa broke the silence, leaning in. Clarke nodded and felt the wind getting knocked out of her the moment Lexa’s lips brushed against hers. They were soft, moist, and felt perfect on Clarke’s mouth. She threw her arms around Lexa’s neck and pulled her closer. She felt Lexa smiling into the kiss and felt the hole in heart being filled by the brunette's presence.

“I love you, Clarke.” Lexa said, breaking the kiss, but remaining close to Clarke. Their noses were touching. Her voice was shaky, her eyes were full of love.

“I love you too, Lexa.”

 

_Staring at two different views on your window ledge. Coffee has gone cold, it's like time froze. There you go wishing, floating down our wishing well. It's like I'm always causing problems, causing hell, I didn't mean to put you through this, I can tell, we're gonna sweep this under the carpet._ _I hope that I can turn back the time, to make it all alright, all alright for us. **I'll promise to build a new world for us two with you in the middle.**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... That's a wrap !  
> I hope you guys enjoyed it... Thank you for coming with me in this beautiful journey.  
> I have something to tell you, a bit of a surprise (maybe)... I am going to write a sequel to this, I'm going to post the first chapter on Monday. The story's name is going to be "Our Hearts Beat Together" and it will have a time jump of aproximatively eight years. I'll feature a bit more Linctavia, but the focus will still be Clexa. I guess you'll get a notification because I'm going to make a series out of these two stories... Hope to see you all there !


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